Reflections on Hitting the Big 10

Everyone says it, but time really does fly.

This past weekend was my ten year high school reunion.  Leading up to and throughout the event weekend, I found myself bouncing from excitement to nostalgia to disappointment to anxiety.  I think that is because for me, and probably for a lot of other people as well, this ten year milestone forced me to take a critical look at myself and my life.

It's kind of like when there are young children in your family, be they cousins, nieces/nephews, siblings, or even the children of friends, but you don't live with them or get to see all the time.  In the back of your mind you are cognizant of the passing of time and with it the aging of these children, but it usually isn't until you see them after some time has passed that you're really forced to contend with the fact that Holy Cow! These kids are growing up right before your very eyes.  They're changing and maturing ever so slightly on a day to day basis, and yet very quickly on a whole at the same time.  Inherently, you know that means you are too.  It's usually in that moment when the baby whose diapers you once changed is towering nearly a foot over your head that you are hit with the realization of the unstoppable and unavoidable passing of time.

This is kind of how I viewed the approach of my high school reunion.  Year after year had passed.  I had been consumed in the grind, day in and day out trying to sculpt the life I knew I wanted.  Consumed by my career, by raising my son, by chasing my dreams.  And then I looked up one day, and it was here.  The Big 10 Year Mark.

Thanks popsugar for the gif!

This is the time widely viewed as sort a checkpoint in life.  

Even if you don't go, or plan on going, to the reunion, just knowing that this year marks the tenth year since you graduated high school and took the first real steps into adulthood can bring up a plethora of feelings both positive and negative.   

That's because this is usually one point in our lives where, when faced with this realization, we find ourselves spending some amount of time measuring ourselves up against our peers.  Even if we are not the type of person to usually be concerned with what or how others are doing in life, we end up asking ourselves I wonder if so & so is where they we thought they'd be by now. Am I where I thought I'd be?

For me, I remembered fantasizing about this day, the life I would be living when it approached, and the stories I would have to tell.  Life didn't exactly follow the script, though, and I found myself going down a path very different from the one I had imagined for myself.

I remembered telling a coworker that if I didn't have a degree by the time my high school reunion rolled around, that I wasn't going.  I also remember her response, that it's not all about the degree.  That a more accurate measure of success in life can be found in whether or not you were doing something you loved, something you found pride in, and something you were good at.

These words I took to heart, and they stand to this day as a sort of pivotal moment in my life.  They were a nudge towards cultivating a life that felt right for me, rather than one that simply looked right to everyone else.   

Now, I'll stop for a moment here, because I do think that the invention, development and mass consumption of social media has changed this dynamic a bit.  To be completely frank, social media has allowed us to maintain ties and keep tabs, as it were, on the majority of the people about whom we would have usually been asking those questions or anticipating a reunion with.

This is another part of the reason why for me, reaching this milestone marking my tenth year of real life, I was much more concerned about my own progress.  Had I met the expectations I had set for myself.  Sitting here, two years outside of thirty's gates, was I on the right path to the sort of 'grown up life' I knew I wanted to have?  

It was a time to check in on certain goals.  Had I achieved them?  Did I even still want to, and if so, was this a realistic possibility at this point?  What changes did I need to make today to get back on the right track?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that a lot of my goals had been met, or were in the works.  I also took the time to do a few of the things that were sitting right there, attainable, and yet I just simply had not yet made the time to do them.

Other things still require a bit more work and dedication from me before they can be brought to fruition; and so I am grateful to have taken the time to realize this while I have plenty of time to make the necessary changes.

Overall, I am glad that in reaching this checkpoint I took this opportunity to look back on the first ten years of my adulthood.  Had I made mistakes?  Oh, definitely!  Squandered opportunities, made poor decisions, over and over again.  Gone left when all signs clearly pointed right, gotten lost and at times felt completely hopeless.  Would I continue to make mistakes, or get things wrong going forward?  Almost certainly, although hopefully not the same ones.  

And yet, none of that matters.  Because in thinking about the advice I received years ago, and sitting here ten years out from the end of high school and the beginning of life as we know it, I am confident that I have the tools and the confidence to make intentional decisions that are true to who I am and what I want out of life, rather than succumbing to the pressure to be what teachers, parents, or peers tell me I should be striving to be.  And so far, following that formula hasn't led me astray. I've made choices that in retrospect I probably should not have, and yet it is my sense of ownership over these choices that gives me peace.  I didn't do these things because I was trying to gain parental approval, impress some old high school crush, or prove my senior rival wrong.  I made these choices for me.  And in the situations where that was not the case, I realized it and I have been able to turn that around.

I genuinely believe that is why coming out of this high school reunion, my only regret is that I didn't eat more tacos!