Parenting: Easier Said Than Done.
Before I had my son I had exactly a million and one ideas on how I was going to raise him. There was this mile long list I had devised in my mind of things my child was never going to do or say, ways he was never going to act, and behaviors I was never going to tolerate. It was so easy to judge other people doing a job I had never done before. I was a member of the 'OMG! I can't believe they let their child eat/wear/watch/do/have THAT' club, and proud of it.
It was also easy to over-approximate and give myself credit for my involvement with children who were not mine. I felt like I had parented a whole lot of people's kids. And in some ways I had. I had definitely contributed to their growth, safety, and well being. That is a part of parenthood. Just one part however, to a very complex and multifaceted endeavor.
The reality is that no one knows what all goes into raising a child until they themselves are faced with the task.
For me, it wasn't until I was pregnant with my son that this began to hit me. After I had spent so much time saying what I was and was not going to do as a parent, the realization and fear set in as to how I would actually accomplish those things.
I underwent a very quick transformation from someone who thought they had all the answers to one who realized they had maybe two. I knew I would could never hurt my child, and I knew I would do whatever it took to be there and provide for him. Other than that, completely clueless. Even when it came down to the details of what exactly those first two things would entail.
And that was still just the tip of the iceberg. The bottom line is there is absolutely no way to prepare for parenthood. For all the ways it will change you. For the things (good, bad and ugly) that it will bring out of you. The challenges it will throw at you.
You will find yourself navigating completely unfamiliar territory while facing obstacles ranging from how do I feed this kid (which in itself is actually about twelve different feats) to how do I make sure they grow up to be well-adjusted, self-sufficient, productive, and non-psychopathic citizens that will contribute positively to the world around them. How do I raise them to be grounded and understand real world circumstances, while still maintaining a sense of hopeful optimism for the future? What beliefs and values will I instill in them, and how.
The undeniable truth about parents is that we want the best for our children. Generally speaking. At least the good ones. Unfortunately, it's nearly impossible for most of us to identify what exactly that is, let alone how to achieve it.
The only definite about parenting is that there are no right or wrong answers, there's no guide book, and the rules tend to get a lot more in depth and yet cryptic than the general "do no harm". There are certainly plenty of clear cut things you should never do; things that would be detrimental to your child's health and development, but once you move beyond that there seems to be a whole other world of dos and don'ts and bits inescapable expert advice and warnings as to all the ways that you're ruining your child. As many ways as you can think of to handle any given situation as a parent, you can bet there are no less than one hundred arguments for and against it. This applies to everything from tummy time to tv time and beyond. It's crazy!
It was also easy to over-approximate and give myself credit for my involvement with children who were not mine. I felt like I had parented a whole lot of people's kids. And in some ways I had. I had definitely contributed to their growth, safety, and well being. That is a part of parenthood. Just one part however, to a very complex and multifaceted endeavor.
The reality is that no one knows what all goes into raising a child until they themselves are faced with the task.
For me, it wasn't until I was pregnant with my son that this began to hit me. After I had spent so much time saying what I was and was not going to do as a parent, the realization and fear set in as to how I would actually accomplish those things.
I underwent a very quick transformation from someone who thought they had all the answers to one who realized they had maybe two. I knew I would could never hurt my child, and I knew I would do whatever it took to be there and provide for him. Other than that, completely clueless. Even when it came down to the details of what exactly those first two things would entail.
And that was still just the tip of the iceberg. The bottom line is there is absolutely no way to prepare for parenthood. For all the ways it will change you. For the things (good, bad and ugly) that it will bring out of you. The challenges it will throw at you.
You will find yourself navigating completely unfamiliar territory while facing obstacles ranging from how do I feed this kid (which in itself is actually about twelve different feats) to how do I make sure they grow up to be well-adjusted, self-sufficient, productive, and non-psychopathic citizens that will contribute positively to the world around them. How do I raise them to be grounded and understand real world circumstances, while still maintaining a sense of hopeful optimism for the future? What beliefs and values will I instill in them, and how.
The undeniable truth about parents is that we want the best for our children. Generally speaking. At least the good ones. Unfortunately, it's nearly impossible for most of us to identify what exactly that is, let alone how to achieve it.
The only definite about parenting is that there are no right or wrong answers, there's no guide book, and the rules tend to get a lot more in depth and yet cryptic than the general "do no harm". There are certainly plenty of clear cut things you should never do; things that would be detrimental to your child's health and development, but once you move beyond that there seems to be a whole other world of dos and don'ts and bits inescapable expert advice and warnings as to all the ways that you're ruining your child. As many ways as you can think of to handle any given situation as a parent, you can bet there are no less than one hundred arguments for and against it. This applies to everything from tummy time to tv time and beyond. It's crazy!
What I've learned as a mom is to take all the unwarranted advice with a grain of salt, and to simply, yet most importantly follow my gut. When it really comes down to it, those initial things I knew about parenting still hold true, and those are my guiding principles: being there for my son, as a provider, an advocate, and a protector. Exactly how I'll achieve those goals is still a learning process, but with those principles in my heart, I'm up to the task of learning the best way to do all of those things and more.
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