Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!

The other day I stumbled across this gem on Instagram, and learned that Amber Rose would be hosting a SlutWalk in Los Angeles in addition to other steps she is taking to champion women's rights to express themselves and their own sexuality without shame.  Kudos to her!  Seriously, I have never really been an Amber Rose fan, or concerned myself too much with her but I love this and applaud her courage and willingness to use her platform to raise her voice about sex positivity and ending rape culture.  Way to go, Amber!

One of piece of her campaign that I especially adore, is her partnership with Say it With a Condom to design consent oriented condom covers.  This is literally killing two birds with one stone.  Brilliant!

Consent + Safe Sex = WINNING for all involved parties!

Here are a couple of my favorite designs so far:

Amber Rose's Say It with a Condom consent campaign is the best thing to come out of 2015, hands down!  It provides a perfect opportunity to check two very important boxes before proceeding with sexual activity, and provides a fun and flirty way to do it.

So, what exactly is consent?

Like many other aspects of relationships, communication is the key.  It is important to communicate prior to, and during any sexual activity to ensure that consent is obtained.  Anything else is rape.  Period.

It is important to understand that while a person may dress or act a certain way, it does not necessarily mean they are asking for sex.  In fact, the only thing that means "Asking for it" is literally asking for it, and getting an enthusiastic Yes! in return.

There's no reason why obtaining consent has to ruin the mood, though.  In fact, the consent is sexy campaign is dedicated to showing just how sexy respect and consent can be.  

But more important than that, obtaining consent is mandatory!  We need to break down this idea that there is somehow consensual and non-consensual sex.  Non-consensual sex is rape.  Not just in the eyes of the law, even though it is a step in the right direction that our legal system has recently attempted to get with the times on this topic.  And I get that rape is an ugly word that makes a lot of people uncomfortable.  As it should.  However, it is important to call instances of rape for what they are, stop the cycle of victim blaming, and put an end to rape culture.

Rape culture is a term that refers to the prevalent environment in which the objectification of women and/or sexual violence is normalized and often excused.  As uncomfortable as it is to confront the ugly truth that is rape culture in our society, it is extremely important to do so when you consider that less than ten percent of rapists ever spend a single day in jail, and that more than 50% of victims are afraid to even come forward when they are assaulted because of the knowledge that they will likely be blamed, shamed and defamed. 

When we live in a country where one in four women are sexually assaulted within the first quarter of their lives, it is so important that we all work together to educate and empower everyone about creating a culture of consent.  A culture where women are free to make whatever choices they'd like in regards to their own sex lives, and at the same time, men and women alike understand that exercising your own agency as a consenting adult does not take a way your right to consent.  

Once you've established consent, there's just one more thing to consider, and that's safety. The other day, I read an article where the author shared her philosophy that when it comes to sex, there are only healthy choices and unhealthy choices.  Everything else is up to the consensual discretion of the involved parties.  I agree wholeheartedly with this philosophy.  It is important to understand that when it comes to sex, removing stigma and judgement can be the first step to having meaningful, honest conversations which empower and promote health.  Making safe and healthy choices when it comes to sex is important.  And in order to do such, people need to be educated about what that entails.  

This is a part of why abstinence only sex education does not work.  Shutting down the communication about the topic of sex does not prevent people from engaging in the act, it only prevents them from making informed, healthful choices when they do.  It can also prevent people from getting tested or seeking treatment if they contract an STI/STD.  So, rather than prevent unwanted sexual activity, lack of communication and comprehensive sex ed instead seems only to succeed in preventing people from making healthy choices about sex, undermining sexual health and wellness at the detriment of our whole society.

Sex can be amazing, but the key to a happy and healthy sex life is communication.  Both about consent, and wellness.  Don't be afraid to ask your partner the questions that matter.  Ask them about their sexual health history- when's the last time they've been tested, what's their status- and be informed about your own.  And then, when the time comes make sure you get that sober, enthused, ecstatic yes before you get busy.  And lastly, remember- no glove, no love!