Doing you

   At some point we all find ourselves in need of guidance. There’s nothing wrong with seeking a fresh perspective under challenging circumstances and as the old adage goes when tackling a difficult task, “two heads are better than one.” Only it’s important to remember that regardless of the advice you take you and you alone are responsible for you decisions. That means don’t go asking for advice then letting someone get you charged up with the “I wouldn’t G for that shit” and “I don’t play that.” One must be wary of asking someone for advice and getting subtle (or not so subtle) bragging in return. It happens every day. You ask someone for their opinion about dealing with another person and they give you some convoluted version of what they’d wish they’d done in a similar situation. So here are three simple rules for taking advice (The irony of this article is not lost on me)

 

Number one: Know what you want. If you seek advice without actually knowing what you want the end result you will have to endure years of unnecessary misery. No matter how wise your mentor they cannot tell you what will make you happy. This requires soul searching and 100% honesty with yourself. You cannot get direction if don’t even know the destination and if you decide to be a passenger in your own life don’t be upset when you’re unhappy with the destination. It’s easy to fall victim to living someone else’s dream. The catch is that even if you succeed in goals others set for you may not be happy with them

  Number two: Be honest. If you’re truly seeking guidance and not just confirmation of your own ideas you have to be honest about your situation. Be that relationship goals, career goals or health goals. It may sound cliché but cheaters are really cheating themselves. You can’t get help if you counselor does not really know what your problem is. This can be hard because the truth can be harsh but if you want progress, no pain no gain.

 

Number three: Seek an expert. Now an expert means different things to different people and changes depending upon the severity of the issue. For instance if I have a stomach ache I ask my mom who will tell me to have a glass of warm tea which I will ignore in favor of bitching and moaning until she makes me the tea and I feel way better. But if I break a leg I go see a damn doctor. This same dynamic applies to many aspects of life. We seek guidance from those who have offered us good advice about our minor troubles that required little expertise, and apply them to major life changes.

  So if you’re having major financial problems don’t ask gran, gran unless she’s a financial planner with the expertise to analyze your individual financial portfolio. This doesn’t discount any advice wizened loved ones may offer such as, a penny saved is a penny earned. As a matter of fact it’s important not to forget the wisdom you learned from your elders. Like don’t put all your eggs in one basket and don’t loan out what you can’t afford to give away. And an investment is a loan! Please remember that you are loaning your money to a company to build their business and expecting a return but that’s another blog on its own.

 My point is old adages don’t explain how you can effectively manage your retirement savings or afford your mortgage while sending your child to college. I cannot stress this enough smart people have been scammed and lost their live savings by relying on word of mouth. Google Bernie Madoff if you don’t believe me.  Only this doesn’t just apply to finances if you. If you want to lose weight seek a nutritionist and personal trainer both of which can be found free online. If you’re having relationship issues seek someone impartial like a counselor because family and friends only hear your side of the story and will simply take your side most of the time. So for advice first be honest with yourself, then be equally honest with your advisor and finally let the punishment fit the crime and seek profession help for complex issues