Ode to the Independent Woman

Independent. Woman.

We all know this woman.  Or we think we do.

She’s the one who’s got her own.

She’s the one that don’t need a man.   

(Insert sassy neck roll and finger snapping sequence here.)

She’s the one whose strength makes her the object of both admiration and hateration.

We all know this woman. Or at least, we think we do.

The glamorization of this archetype in the media made me want to be her.

Thirteen years old belting out along with Destiny’s Child, All the ladies, who truly feel me, throw your hands up at meeeeeee! I knew then that I could never be the type of woman who waited around for someone else to make her dreams come true.

I grew up watching my mom be that woman.

  

But what I didn’t see was her struggle.

Somehow all those catchy tunes on the radio conveniently left out the part where independent equates to hard work.  Trials that, more often than not, end in error.  Late nights.  Lonely nights.  No, they conveniently left that part out.

More often than not, independence is a quality born out of necessity.  Want to know why I depend on me?  That's because a lot of the time that is all I have had to depend on.  I learned to go out and get what I wanted on my own, after I learned that no one in the world was going to hand it to me.

Independence was a lesson hard learned.  

I always thought I wanted to be that girl.  Right up until the first time I really needed someone.  And... They.  Weren't.  There.

See, the road to that level of independence is oftentimes paved with disappointment.  You don't just wake up one day being the woman who can take on the world.  She is someone you become one uphill battle at a time.

I used to pity myself or wonder why the level of loyalty I would show some people went unrequited.  I grew up believing in the golden rule.  You know, do unto others...  I assumed this was a two way street, but quickly realized that this is not always the case.

As it turns out there are a lot of people in the world for whom reciprocity is either not a possibility, or simply not a priority.  Figuring this out hurt like hell, too.  

However, having these unreliable people in my life taught me quite a few invaluable lessons; and more importantly it was when I stopped expecting other people to carry me that I found my own wings!

That's not to say that I never need help, or that people haven't ever been there for me in those times when I did.  It's just so much nicer knowing that even when others may fail me, I can still hold it down and get shit done all on my own.

And although I may not be on Bey’s level (ok, let’s be honest, not even close!) like her, I’ve worked hard and sacrificed to get where I am today.  It ain’t easy, but nothing worth having ever is.