For a Black Girl

People are always telling me, ‘Gee, you sure are adventurous for a black girl.’ 

Ok, that’s a lie.  What they actually say is 'You’re the whitest black girl I know.' Or 'Girl, you know black people don’t [insert stereotypically "white" activity or locale here].'

And what they mean when they say those things is, this place is not where you belong.

This has become an increasingly common experience as I have grown and begun to embrace my adventurous nature.  

This isn’t something that necessarily offends me though.  I like pushing boundaries and going wherever I want, even if it’s places where people don’t expect to see someone who looks like me. I enjoy trying new things regardless of what stereotypes people may have about the sort of person who normally does those things.

When I was younger, fitting in was a priority.  Well, as much as I could any way.  I allowed myself to be stifled by other people's expectations or ideas of who I should be.  I spent countless days mimicking behaviors that I thought represented a certain image of blackness that was socially acceptable.  I allowed these stereotypes to shape the version of myself that I presented to the world, and denied parts of myself that I was taught didn't fit.

And for what?

As I got older, I begun to realize one very important thing.  It didn't matter.

Not the way I acted, nor what people thought about me.  None of it mattered.

Trying to be more stereotypically black didn't make me more likeable.  I didn't gain more friends, or if I did they were superficial relationships that were short lived because underneath they lacked a solid foundation.  One that was rooted in common interests and mutual respect.

It wasn't until I accepted myself that I stopped trying to conform, and begun to spread my wings.  Getting to know and embracing my whole self has been one of the most rewarding gifts I have ever been able to give myself.  There are so many valuable lessons that I have learned and skills I have gained just by having an open mind.  By exploring the possibilities.

I love being outside, communing with nature.  I love pushing the limits of my body and mind.  I love the rush that fills you head to toe when you're scared shitless of something, but you do it anyway.

By giving up on the fear of other people rejecting me, I've learned to accept myself.  And I've gained some pretty amazing memories in the process.

Conforming may seem like the easy option on the surface, but living under the weight of other people's expectations and judgements is actually a lot harder.  By allowing yourself to be pigeonholed you almost certainly limit your own growth.  So, who cares if people don't expect you to enjoy certain things or go certain places.  Remember it has a lot less to do with whether you're black, or nerdy, or a woman, or whatever other box they try to fit you into, and more to do with their own narrow mindedness.  And at the end of the day, that's not really any of your concern, now is it?

So, do you, whoever or whatever that may be!