Swirly World

So I have a theory about interracial dating that is quite radical. It goes as such, most of the time…wait for it…now try and mentally prepare to have you mind blown, ready? Here is my theory on interracial dating, most of the time men like women and women like men…that’s it. Now there are many who would disagree with me for a myriad of reasons. I’ll focus on the two races that having been playing the odd couple in this country since our great nation was forged, black people and white people. Even in this day and age there are those on both sides who would call you a self-hating sell out for dating outside your race.

  

But I would like to explore both sides of this polarizing subject if you’ll keep an open mind. Let’s start with those of a clan mentality. What I mean by this is the belief that folks should stick to their own and not necessarily in a prejudice way. The practice of marrying within one’s own tribe predates race as we know it and the original idea was preserving a way of life. So it does not make someone racist if they choose to date only their own race. There is comfort with the familiar and most people bond over shared experiences and traditions.

    Still there were always those who broke tradition and found it exciting to merge cultures and that is as beautiful as upholding the customs of your forefathers. Like most deeply personal choices it’s a way of life. The problem comes when one tries to force their way of life on others. If you choose to stick with the flock there is beauty in that but it’s a personal choice and no one has the right to dictate how others choose to live their life. Most of the time too much interest in other peoples relationship stems from unhappiness or a lack of your own relationship so really you should look within.

  For instance as a black women who was raised in a predominantly black neighborhood and grew up watching movies like ‘Waiting to Exhale’ it was like a requirement to have a problem with black men dating white women. I believed the ridiculous mantra “they’re stealing our men” without question and it wasn’t until I was older and exposed to other races that I questioned this statement. In hindsight I realize it was absurd. I mean first off it’s not stealing a man if he was never yours in the first place. How could you possibly own men you’ve never met? And exactly how many men are you tryna have. I mean propriety states you have to pick just one (as hard as that may be). So why give a sh*t who the rest date? Be real with yourself for a second.

  

  If you mad at a celebrity of your race who married someone of another race you need to realize that no matter who they married it probably would not have been you. Honestly what would you have that person do, write you a letter saying something like, “My sincerest apology that I don’t like you as much as you like me random person I’ve never met in my life.” Doesn’t that sound silly? Or how about "They only want white women because they're push overs," or "White men only want black women to control in some weird slave and master fantasy". Sure it's probably true in some cases but not all. There are as plenty black female pushovers and as many nagging harpy white  women as there are so called neck rolling, finger snapping black women

And if you don’t have anyone and believe it’s because all the ‘good ones’ are dating outside their race than you’re obviously focusing so hard on the people that don’t like that you that you miss the ones that do. I recall a conversation with a brown skinned sister where she said she felt it unfair that the media only seemed to focus on one type of beauty which I agreed with but she lost me when she said all the rappers only wanted light skinned girls and sighted men like the infamous redbone lover Lil Wayne. The major issue with her statement was that she seemed to think someone like Lil Wayne was a catch and that made her as superficial as him.

   I’m a fan of Wayne and actually used to have a crush on him when I was younger when he was a bright eyed youngster with drive, hunger and long wavy tresses of hair. But if you look at him now and think that’s a model for a good man because he’s rich and famous you gon’ have to get some better standards. Hitler was rich and famous(Not comparing Wayne to Hitler) but the rapper who impregnated two women simultaneously should not be your ideal husband unless you’re a bird.

 

So if you think money makes the man I’ll give this advice, you’d be better off with a poor man with drive and ambition than a rich man with no purpose because a fool can squander a fortune and leave you as stuck and stupid as when you met him. A real man will teach you the nature of his hustle and inspire your own growth so y’all can have twice the prosperity. A real man will want you to be an equal partner so that you both will have unique gifts with which to bestow you offspring and ensure an empire that will reign long after you’ve past.

  And further more people are entitled to their preferences for reasons they’re not required to share with you. Besides folks can’t help what looks good to their eyes and if you find a good mate, and not good for any superficial mess like looks or money which can fade in a blink, keep them. They’re rare.

  But here’s where the problem comes in on the flip side. Now I’m a light skinned black women with two black parents yet unbelievably I’ve had black men approach me and say something as stupid as “I don’t usually like black girls but I’d talk to you,” as if they thought this was the biggest compliment in the world. So I was good enough in their eyes because of my light skin but my mother, sisters, cousins, and many friends were beneath them. And when I asked them to elaborate they’d always give some nonsensical response like “man they don’t know how to hold me down” or “they just don’t do me right.” And yet they were single when they told me this so apparently no one was “doing them right”

 

My first response to this gibberish was to say ‘do you usually approach them with what you just said to me because if so I have a theory” but I refused to give them the satisfaction of going all sister girl on them. So I quietly stopped answering their phone calls and never told them why. Perhaps that was mean, at that age I didn’t have the patience to explain myself to damn fools, but I’m feeling generous so I’ll break it down. If you happen to be attracted to someone outside of your race that is your god given right. Yet if you turn around and disparage your own race to do so you’re displaying a dangerous level of low self-esteem that no one but someone seeking to take advantage of you would want to deal with.

   Don’t believe me? Think on this, if you’re a black man who says some crazy mess like white women are “better “ than by your own admission white men must also be “better” because your black nigga balls will not produce a white women. It takes a white man to produce a white women. Also if you share this non sense with a woman of another race you want to get with you’re admitting to her that she is worth more than you. Get it fool! It’s like getting a tattoo on your forehead that says low self-esteem.

  Love is born of mutual respect and respect is earned. No one earns their skin color they’re born into it. If you’re truly attracted to someone it’s more than physical. Of course you’re not blind so you will have to be physically attracted to them (and want to do freak nasty things to them) but if your whole attraction has to do with their skin color, you’re fake and you deserve how you’re about to get unsuspectingly played.

    In conclusion if you have  a certain type based on race or anything else and you’re still single maybe you might want to broaden you’re horizon and date a few different 'types'