Dont sweat the small things

Woke up a few mornings ago and immediately stubbed my toe. I was rushing because I woke up late again after having a talk with my boss about tardiness just the day prior. I’d been up nearly all night because my boyfriend broke up with me and I had a fresh pimple forming on both my face and my butt. I also discovered I had a common but still gross fungus growing on me.  My tear filled night and lack of sleep had me looking like something the cat dragged in and my job just so happens to involve listening to people’s complaints (Literally, I have to use something called a complaint tracker). I did not want to go in at all. I wanted to scream, punch something, strangle someone (in particular) and just go back to bed. And that is exactly what the old, emotionally immature Brittany would have done. I’ve made a lot of small problems bigger in my past by not being able to cope with stress and it took me losing everything I once worked for to finally learn my lesson.

   So instead of throwing myself a much needed pity party I drug myself out of bed then immediately lay back down to pout a little more. Finally I got up, washed, put a hot compress on my eyes and went to work. Surprisingly enough the world did not end. It turned out to be a normal day at work and I ended up being grateful for the distraction. So what changed the hissy fit throwing, wall punching, emotional volcano into the take three breaths and get through it Brittany, you may wonder? I got over myself, simple as that. I realized that the world did not stop based on what I was going through and it never would. Furthermore I wouldn’t want it to. Another factor is past loss. A year ago today I was bouncing from job to job and slowly pawning away all my worldly possession while searching for answers at the bottom of a vodka bottle.

  I was seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist (issues psychiatric meds) and going to church. I was lost and despite my efforts I could not find myself. What spawned the onset of clinical depression was a mid-life crisis. Now I know the common opinion is that a midlife crisis occurs at 50 but a good friend of mine pointed out “How many people actually live to be 100 years old.” It’s far more common for folks to live to be 60-70 than 100. Therefore I submit that the real midlife crisis is closer to 30 than 50.  Hell if you’re a women I say it starts after 21 and you realize you no longer have your whole life ahead of you. My other good friend, fellow blogger and playa partner cleverly deemed it the mid-20s crisis. It’s that time in a person’s life when they are expected to branch out on their own. Well I was living with my parents. It’s also expected that you be on your way to building your career. I was still working “Jobs”. Another Milestone would be getting married and having kids.  Well I was 26 and had been single for far too long.   I felt like the ultimate loser.

   But after crashing I realized all that I’d had. Let me give you the trial and error break down. At age 21 I landed a job for a major corporation with several opportunities for advancement, bonuses, pension, plus 401k and tuition reimbursement. But I was young, restless and wanted adventure because I was a writer at heart (Even though I wasn’t writing for fun anymore). I didn’t want to be a suit. So I never took the opportunity seriously and I quit to move with my parents to a new and exciting city thinking I’d get another job just like that. Well I could find nothing after dropping a million and one applications so I worked as a waitress making minimum wage. I was so consumed with the problem of not finding a job and drowning my problems in booze that I didn’t realize I was accidentally submitting an outdated application rife with spelling and grammatical error.

  After kicking myself I started to submit the correct application and the job offers came pouring in and I accepted a possession as a licensed insurance agent with a company that not only paid for my license but again offered bonuses, pension, 401k, tuition reimbursement and plenty of room for advancement. But I hadn’t learned my lesson and a partying I went squandering every bonus so by the time I’d burned my bridges at that job I was still living with my parents and my credit was so shot I could no longer practice insurance. Which brought me to last year and the pawn shop.

  Then and there I made a promise to myself to never crumble like that again because I constantly remind myself that I have been through worse and life hasn’t even begun to really test me yet.  I have a little more faith in myself now and I’ve learned to roll with the punches. Also I’ve learned not to put too much credence on how I think things should be. Even someone with a seemingly perfect life could lose it all in the blink of an eye. Life is uncertain but we all have a child inside of us that just wants to get our own way. Well just like your mother was unfazed by your temper tantrum neither is the world. So you better shake it off, shape up and give it another go because life’s small nuisances are never going away.

  

Also I learned to give myself more credit. I was often one of the youngest people working the positions I obtained and usually the only one without a degree. So instead of regretting my mistakes I found the lesson in them. And instead of comparing my life to others I realized that envy is death to happiness. Everyone has the irown path it’s our job to make the best of what we’re given. And so like when I was putting in the wrong applications I learned not to focus so hard on the problem instead of the solution because it may be simpler than you think once you stop pouting.

(I have since gotten another job with benefits,moved out, and have gotten back w/ my bf again...oh and I'm also writing again as you may have noticed...hope)