Bet, fold or all in the game of the heart

 

  Have you ever been in a relationship that felt more like a competition. As if you were literally struggling for power in an emotional tug of war. Well you're not alone. In fact according to popular shows like 'Sex and the City' and movies such as 'Act like a lady, think like a man' it's simply the way relationships work. And if many romance novels are to be believed it's how they've always worked.

  If this sounds exhausting it's probably because it is. The level of manipulation it takes to play mind games takes a lot of energy and  the will power of a priest. I have neither and because I'm a proud nerd I've never been able to play it cool.  Not to say all who play the game are bad people or would be bad partners. There's nothing wrong with displaying your best qualities before a potential mate discovers your worst as long as you aren't deceitful. 

 

Also they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and if you love something you let it go so if it finds its way back you know it's yours but at what point is it unhealthy. I don't claim to be an expert but I'd say a good judge of an unhealthy relationship is when it does more harm than good.

   A good partner helps you grow as a person, encourages you and makes you feel good. However If you find yourself constantly having to question your worth it will not lead to growth. No relationship will ever be perfect but when it's real you'll know it.

   Even when someone works your last nerve real love will always remind you why you fell in love in the first place. Like that little sister that may annoy you occasionally but turns around and offer the most profound insight. Like when my own sister pointed out that your circumstances do not dictate your happiness.  

 

 Happiness is a choice and as cliche as it sounds it starts with inner peac. So sometimes the issue is not the games people play and that you don't know how. The real issue may be that some soul searching is in order. To even hope to find a successful relationship you one have to know what you want. Two you must realize you deserve it and three must be worthy.

   Pastor Chip ingram said finding love is not about finding the right person but being the right person. If you want someone who loves the cracks and crevices of you flaws and all you have to be able to give it in return. If you go in search of love based on superficial things you find only that in return.  

   Let's say you marry for money. Don't be surprised when you learn your partner has as much respect for you as you have for them. You may get cheated on,  viewed as a possession then eventually switched out for the newer model. Or if you're insecure and seek a doormat that is reliant on you so you may use and abuse them don't be shocked when they turn on you or leave you when the going gets tough from a job loss or an illness

 

So remember to look within first and don't settle for fear of loneliness because you do yourself and them a huge disservice.  Also don't have unrealistic expectations. Because the most perfect man in the world may not be perfect for you.Work on being the best you, you can be and before you know it you will find someone who'll restore your faith in love. After years of unhealthy behavior from being a bit of a doormat to later treating men as disposable I did. So while I don't know what the future will hold I'll never again stop believing. And the more I grow as a person the more I learn to simply get over myself to be happier lol. What are you going to do.